New series fishays, Amatay Archives! Just been trolling through a couple of my old blogs so i'd thought i'd start reposting some of my dribble from previous posts mainly because of a lack of material and also partly because i'm too lazy/busy to blog right now what with moving in preparation for Thailand. Its crazy to think that i've been writing this shizz since Feb 2006, fml where has the time gone?

Here's the first edition to the Amatay Archive collection featuring my old 'buddy' Platonic and his girlfriend. It tells the story of how i rocketed to Fame in Oct 2008, appearing on Sky Poker and tales of rumpage with a bride to be and a maid of honour, enjoy....

http://amatay.blogspot.com/2008/10/your-blogging-messiah-lol.html

There will be a new post on my Poker Encore blog soon about how i recently found out that i've been living in a death trap for the last few years plus more Amatay binkage, laters ;)

A few wks ago Cos aka Greekstein came to live with me for about a week. He's a small glimpse into the life of the little fishay written in my Poker Encore blog, check it...

New blog post on Poker Encore about my results in July plus a brief mention of a day out i spent in London complete with pictorals, check it...

http://www.pokerencore.com/blogs/2011/08/making-finals-for-fun/

Waaaay behind on writing this blog atm, here's a brief post from about a month ago on my Encore blog, click link. Since Turkey, I've had a few good wins under my belt winning $8.5k so far this month and had a few top days/nights out, there's gonna be lots of posts in the next couple of weeks. Lots of good things happening to me atm and Thailand is only about 5-6 weeks aways, weeeeeeeeeee!

Thought of you when i watched this, you are a Mental game fish :) Oh and get in touch with me please you bastard!!!

I brought this book a while ago actually although i have only read a few chapters thus far (been too lazy) but i reckon it would be really helpful to alot of players and well worth a purchase imo. Barry Carter has promised me a short session with Jared actually to help me conquer some of my demons like my constant motivational issues and my low gulp limit. If that does happen details of which will be posted up on my Encore blog complete with an audio recording.

I still haven't blogged about my trip to Turkey yet (will do in a few days) plus i have got some other stuff to blog about like a random meet up with my Turkish Delight (<-- read that prev post, its hilar imo) for a day in London recently which was really fun. On the few days that i have played poker its been really frustrating but slightly more up than down i guess. Apparently Greekstein is gonna come live with me for a month when he gets back from Vegas. If that happens it will be good for both of us imo. He can really help motivate me to play and the company will be nice. My flat has been pretty quiet since Scotchy move out last year. Oh i went out in town with that fish the other night, good to see you Scotchy! Lots going on, got tons of stuff to write about and there will be a few more posts very very soon x x x

EDIT: [ ] Interesting story from tonight, check it Oh and sign up to RTR aswell, great little forum. Sign upto Poker Encore too, wicked site run by good people. Click the banner top right and use the code Amatay and i'll sort you with some mad deals ;)

Wrote this post over 2 weeks ago but it never got published. Since then i've been an a epic one week holiday in Istanbul with all the lads for my mates Mizons wedding. It was superb and just what i needed. Will write a blog about that and my plans for the next two months before moving out to Thailand in early Sept soon.


FML, poker is such a bastard sometimes. I've played a bunch of tourns in the last three days with little reward despite a ton of deep runs. On Tues, i managed to make five finals from about 20 odd comps, however i never really got into the decent money with the best results being a 3rd in a $50f for $1k and a 6th in a $30r for 700ish. I ended the night with a 1.8k profit but it should/could nearly have been anywhere between $6/8k. Wednesday i played a smaller session and again had a few deepish runs in some smaller stuff but finished down about three hundo. Tonight was fucking insane, ahhhh i'm still pissed off now tbh. I regged for around 25 comps but had to unreg about 8 of them because i was running and playing really well and at one point had 15 comps on the go and i can't handle that much tbh. Things then just fell apart and despite having stacks all over the place i didn't make one fooking final, abs brutal!

Ended up with about $1k profit from the three days but that's not good enough especially having been pretty deep in alot of the games. I'm really starting to feel the pressure abit recently actually and my life roll is as low as i can remember it for a while, probably 4-5 yrs. This is due to a number of reasons....

Obv my volume is terrible, perhaps this is the kick up the ass i need? I haven't ran too good, (i hate that excuse) plus poker is tough these days and its gets harder and harder to make $$$ esp given my volume levels. I've had alot of trips abroad in the last 2 yrs which i don't regret one abit, its been amazing but these have taken their toll on my finances, plus i've also been hit with alot of unexpected bills. I obv don't receive any rent ££ from Scotch anymore since he moved out last yr and that's had an impact. I also used to make some nice pocket money from this blog and selling the occasional link or two, but haven't made a penny from that stuff for at least 6 months. My stakes i have brought recently in various fish haven't produced any results plus my horse is in $1.8k mu and owes me $700. I also have a friend who owes me around $3.5k and has done so for a loooong time despite me helping him out on numerous occasions. Adam i understand you're prolly in the shit atm but will you please get in contact with me at least out of respect if nothing else, you know how to get in touch. I can help you (again), trust me. Right, thats enough bullshit, back to Redtube. Cue the Amatay's going busto comments... :)

Weeeeeeeeee, just pretty much secured a 6 month rental on this gaff from the first week of Sept in Phuket, Thailand. Its next to the same one as Joel (Jcar9271) lived in earlier this year with his wife. I met Joel who's a good lad when i was out there in Feb with Daledonksu and he's given me tons of sound advice, cheers mate! I've also stolen his fb pics for this post :)

The general plan is to use this villa as a our base in Thailand where we hope to relax, continue to earn a living online, go to the gym, meet new people and enjoy the sun, beach and basically live a nice life :) During the 6 months we also plan to backpack around most of Thailand and explore some of the other Islands and we will also be occasionally jetting off to other countries. After the 6 months we'll see? Hopefully we will go elsewhere and i'd particularly like to check out parts of South America, like Brazil, Costa Rica, Paraguay etc. Maybe finish our trip in Las Vegas for the 2012 WSOP and ship another balla apartment out there for 4 weeks or something, that would be the bollocks but we'll plan that nearer the time.

I'm going to rent my 2 bedroom flat out in Watford for a year anyways and tbh i don't think i will ever live here again and continue to rent it out and stay with friends when i get back to England, plans to do this already started last week. The villa has 3 bedrooms and sleeps five people apparently so anyone who we know and like is invited to come out for a free stay. Were not allowed to invite big groups and its quite a peaceful resort but there's lots of crazy action nearby. I know Brighton bummer Cogs has already reserved a spot in late Oct/early Nov. Oh, im travelling with that plum Cos btw (Greekstein), should be fun. Oh another thing is the cost of living here. It works out at about £350 each per month, lmfao!!! Weeeeeeeeeee.

My blog feautures in this months edition of Poker Player Magazine. lol @ the article written.

Brief trip report on another stag do i went to a few weeks ago and also a bit about some recent poker stuff.

WestHam United were relegated today and tbh i am fucking choked. I was ok earlier today because in my head we were pretty much relegated. Then we get a lifeline/miracle with us beating Wigan 2-0 away at HT, brum getting canned at home to Fulham with Brum and Blackpool facing tough last games vrs Spurs and Man U and us with a seemingly 'easy' game at home vrs Sunderland. However, in true WestHam style we fucked it big time like we always fucking do and lost 3-2, fml!

It was incredible watching Gillette Soccer Special in the last ten minutes, i'm in shock. The game sounded incredible! What a bunch of fucking cunts!! Proper choked :( Arrrrrghhhh i hate that fucking shit Championship cunty league, its tez. As far as i'm concerned the Prem just won't seem the same next year (maybe longer) without my hammers in there. What a bunch of cunts apart from Scott Parker obv. There are sooo many people responsible for this. The board and cunts like Gold, Sullivan, Brady etc for a terrible terrible appointment of manager. I told everyone at the start of the season that we might go down and that Avram was the worst manager ever. There's nothing about him, who would want to play for that mug? Can you imagine him motivating you to perform at your best? What a wanker!!!

The players have been shocking aswell, where to start? Everyone of em!!! Carlton Cole is the player who tilts me the most! You see glimpses of what he can do maybe once every 15 games and when i say glimpses its just an occasional flash. The rest of the time he's an absolute tosser who he is not capable of controlling and passing a football. The geezer is a terrible terrible footballer. How did that clown ever become a pro? I fucking HATE Gabbidon aswell, what a donkey, a fking joke player, a fking shambles! Then theres the lol players like Benni McCarthey etc etc. Arrrrrrrrrrrgh ghghuirgiugchrjvfkjheoihjtrfsdljk. I can't fucking believe it, what a way to get relegated. The sick thing is i still strongly believe that there is at least 3 worst teams in the league than WestHam and yet we sit rock bottom. If someone else was in charge of the same group of players no way we would go down imo. Can you imagine Martin O'Neill in charge of them bunch of tossers? Ultimately its comes down to Arvam and the cunts who employed him but the players are still a bunch of cunts as well for a pathetic season. Fucking gutted :(

Fans are already mentioning O'Neill to take over but would he want a Championship job? Some tools on SS are also talking about Neil Warnock!!! WTF!!! Are you thick you bunch of cunts? Having said that he would do a good job. I'd be willing to put money on someone like Chris Hughton who played for WestHam and won the Championship with Newcastle last year or maybe Malky Mckay who also played for us and has done great things with Watford. I would love O'Neill in charge thou. Arrrgh devastated, but its only football i guess :( Rant over. WHU forever!

New blog post is up which was written last week. Turns out i have another Stag do in Riga Lativa this weekend. Until yesterday i thought it was the following weekend, doh. I have a feeling this one is gonna involve alot more carnage than the visit of Newcastle.

Right, time for a post about Ho Chi Minh, mmmm where do i start? Errrr, first up its worth mentioning that i was basically multai in Vietnam :) I thought the prices for stuff in Thailand were very inexpensive but fk me, the cost of living in this city was just LOL, it was seriously cheap! One solitary English pound is equivalent to almost 34,000 Vietnamese Dong which meant i was a billionaire for five days babay, weeee!

We stayed at a decent 4* hotel called the Catina for 30 nugs a night which was pretty expensive for this part of the world. Once we arrived we quickly dumped our gear off and went out to explore some of the city. The first thing that immediately struck us was the difficulty we were faced with in just crossing the road. There are almost no traffic lights in Ho Chi Minh and the roads are absolutely jam packed full of scootays. Here's a comedy vid of me playing Human Frogger, remember that game?




After having abit of a mince around the place it quickly got dark and we went for munch at some gaff near our hotel. We both ordered three course meals obviously at a stupidly redic cheap prices although we had endure this fkin annoying beggar girl that resembled a ghost. Honestly she looked really spooky and stood in front us for a good couple of minutes one arm out stretched with the other carrying a baby whilst repeatably uttering the words ohhhh my baby i'm very hungry or something to that affect. It was proper disturbing and she looked/sounded really ghoulish. Oh, the other thing about this place is that while your onomnomnoming on your first course they bring out the other fooking dishes before you have even finished! That was often the case for a few places we ate in actually and sometimes they don't even bring the grub out in the right order and you end up with all three courses lined up in front of you.

On our first full day we ended up jumping on these Cyclo things which resemble big fk off wheel chairs that the local Vietnamese blokes peddle you around in. First off, a couple of these Cyclo fish took us to some horrible cafe where we got some grub. I had the worst sarnie ever that included a small black hair, nice. However, i did get some geezer to clean my trainers with a toothbrush for about 60p, which is actually alot of money for such a small job. After the dirt munch we got another couple of Cyclo blokes to take us around the town for 100k an hr which is about 3 quid and again is waaaay overpriced but whatever its three quid! We visited the war museum which was pretty good and quite interesting and then went to some Palace place which was utter bollocks and then to Ho Chi Minh Museum which was also complete shit. The problem with these Cyclo cunts is that they are all very happy, nice and polite to start with but when it comes to paying the motherfkers they try to hustle you. Me and Dale ended up with a pretty ugly confrontation which ended up with us just telling the bastards to GTFO when they demanded more money.

Me and Dale flew to Bangkok on Friday afternoon and although Roxxu wanted to stay in some balla £60 a night 5* hotel which btw is alot of dosh in Thailand i convinced that donko to 'slum' it in this 'ghetto' 4* hotel called The Windsor in Sukhumvit for just £17pn (lol, reedit). After checking in, dumping our gear off and scrubbing up we ventured out into Thailand's capital city to get our first taste of Bangkok and it was a pretty eye opening experience for me tbh...

We walked up and down this main street for what seemed like a couple of hrs without a plan and the first thing that struck me was some of the poverty on the streets and the beggars/people selling complete shit like wooden carvings and glowsticks for example. Some of the things i saw i found quite shocking tbh, people with no arms, missing legs, women carrying children, children on their own etc etc just begging/pleading for minimal amounts of money. There were also a ton of these little stalls with Thai people cooking random crap some of which looked like roasted coakroach's and other random insects, no jokes. It was fkin hot and humid as well, plus it was really dirty and you could almost taste the pollution in the air.

We ended up eating some delish three course meal in some classy restaurant for just a tenner which almost seems wrong given what i had just witnessed. After that we accidentally (honest) stumbled into a place called Nana Plaza which kinda resembled Patong in Phuket but just not quite as degen. Me a Dale grabbed a beer and played some pool in a nearby Irish bar with no whores and then just sat out the front to witness some of the unreal stuff going on. Ladyboys galore, beggars galore you name it. I deffo saw alot more Ladyboys in Bangkok than Phuket, they were fkin everywhere in this Nana Red Light District place. I actually found myself giving alot of the beggars money that night for some reason and it kinda made me realise how lucky i am. I remember going to bed that night and reflecting on what i had just seen thinking fuck me, was that shit real? What a place Bangkok is, pure sickness, i don't think i'm going to enjoy the next few days. However, we got up the early the next day to experience more of Bangkok and my opinion began to change alittle....

Alot of the whores and ladyboys were gone as were most of the stinking foodcart things and shitty markets trying to flog allsorts of crappy fake gear. What sort of mug buys stuff from these people anyways? :) There were still quite a few beggars hanging about but Bangkok started to feel abit more like a normal city. However, all of the above was pretty much replaced either by the seemingly endless amount of Thai birds asking you if you want a fooking massage or these other plums trying to shift you a fkin suit! Fk me its about 100 degree's outside, the last bloody thing i want is a fkin suit, GTFO u cunts! After spending a good few hrs walking up and down this same stretch of road trying to organise a fkin city tour it looked like the day was gonna turn into utter bollocks. Despite being slightly both tilted by what had happened that morning what with tour centres being closed or charging LOL prices we decided to sort ourselves out with something to do and it turned into a pretty good day...

We ended up going to a place called the Pantip Plaza and then to some random Thai Premier football match. We took every form of transport available in Bangkok including the Sky Train and taxis which were pretty safe and comfortable as well as these other taxi type things called Tuk Tuk's plus we rode on the back of these motorcyles which weaved in and out of the busy traffic. I think me and Dale probably had a death wish that day tbh but it turned out to be ok and was a good laugh/experience.


First up we went to the Pantip Plaza because we'd heard this was the place to go for all the techy stuff like lappy's and cameras etc which is what we both needed because Dales lappy was busto and i had gg'd my camera that morning (sigh). We got the Sky Train to a place called Siam and then hoped onto the back on these people carrier motorcycles. It was quite a good buzz dodging in and out of all of the busy traffic on the back of these things actually but i didn't exactly feel too safe. Once we got to this Pantip place Dale was in heaven and pretty much jizzed in his pants because that fish loves all that stuff and tbh i was pretty impressed myself. It was full of tons of these little shops selling all sorts of gadgets, plasma's, laptops etc as well as flogging a shit load of rip off gear like pirate software for example. Its illegal in Thailand but there was sooo much of it here that the old bill must turn a blind eye. I managed to purchase some software to sort out my lagging, porn infested comp and also purchased some hooky Photoshop and Microsoft Office for redic cheap prices plus i also brought a new camera. Dale managed to get his comp fixed by this random old Thai dude right at the very top of the plaza in this little workstation crammed full of microchips and component parts etc. The blokes office reminded me of the Keymaker in the film The Matrix when you see him in his little room full of keys if you can picture the image?

Once we had finished in the Plaza we took one of these taxi type things called Tuk Tuks to the National Stadium. I'm not sure what is more dangerous the Tuk Tuks or the Motor Cycle people carrier's but again it was a good buzz being driven through the redic traffic in Bangkok. Once we got to the National Stadium we noticed that something seemed to be occurring in a smaller stadium next door so we checked it. It just so happened that the Thai Premier footy season was starting that day and a game between local side BEC Tero and Buriram PEA was due to KO in about 2 hrs. So me and The Roxxu decided to buy a ticket for £1.60 and purchase a replica shirt for just £7 and become Buriram fans for the next couple of hours. Once we had our shirts on we were getting stared and pointed at by pretty much every Thai fish being the only white idiots to 'support' the Burirham PEA. The standard of the match wasn't too shabby and despite there being only a small crowd in comparison to an English game the atmosphere was decent and our boys went on to deservedly win 2-1. After the game we put our life's at risk again by gambling on another Tuk Tuk to take us to Nana to the same Irish pub from the previous night to watch the Manchester derby. What a fkin goal that was from Rooney!

After the whistle blew we decided to take the safety of a normal taxi back to our hotel to scrub up and go out again for munch. Just as we set off i remember stopping in at a nearby bar to see how my beloved hammers were doing versus WestBrom. Some random geezer told me that all he knew was that we were 3-0 down at HT and i was like uitgu5erytkblujk, fkin GG us! Slightly on tilt by the scoreline i sat in some nice little French gaff for munch and i managed to get a glimpse of the WestHam highlights on a t.v. from across the road. I watched the first three goals get banged in then pleaded with the gods for some divine intervention. 3-1...3-2...3-3!!!! weeeee. Were still going down though i reckon what we some of our upcoming fixtures in April but we still having a fighting chance with that comeback. Come on you Irons!!!

On the final day me and Dale went to an old part of Bangkok which wasn't too impressive so we took a long boat trip up the Chao Phraya River and through the canals which was a good laugh. Dale got soaked on the boat by another passing long boat, theres a video of it on his blog. It cracks me up every time especially at the end. The words, 'fuck my life Amatay, how bad do i run' has me pmsl, classic Roxxu! Here's the clip :) It was pretty crazy passing by all these shacks along the canal bank that were basically peoples homes. The water was dirty and the people were poor. That was one of the main things that struck me most about Bangkok actually, how there is loads of high class hotels/eateries etc either next to or interspersed with such poverty and complete shit holes, such a stark contrast. On the boat trip we also stopped off at this cool Buddha temple for a 20 minute mince and we both got some good snaps.

On our last night me and The Roxxu went to another degen area similar to Nana, its called Cowboy Soy. Again, its full of whores and dirty western men white and as soon as me and Dale went for a beer in one bar some Thai whore was onto us. She was actually the best looking Thai bird i had seen and her English was sooo good that she had prolly chatted to about a million Western men in her life and half of them had prolly thrown one up her. She even had a slight english twang to her accent at times that sounded kinda northern, brummie i think it was, fkin dirtay brummie bastards! Anyways we fked her off and ended up hitting some balls at some pool bar. We had our own VIP room and some Thai bird waiting on us hand and foot, serving us drinks, racking each game and even watching the game. When we needed the rest for example she was there right on cue to sort us out, she was basically our slave and all we had to pay was 240 Baht for 1 hr which is about 5 quid, loool. Even though i've destroyed Dale all trip on the pool tables he somehow luckboxed his way to a 5-4 victory before with gave our slave girl a good tip and then GTFO'd. Bangkok had been another fun experience, next stop Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam..

Right, really need to keep on top of this blog so time for an update on mine and Daleroxxu's exploits as im already 13 days into my trip having spent seven days in Phuket, three nights in Bangkok and three in Ho Chi Minh in Vietnam. Gonna write about some of our adventures/shennanigns in Phuket to start with, hope it doesn't turn into a tl;dr post but its probs gonna be a loooong one.....

Day 1. After a long journey including three flights i meet up with Dale at Phuket airport on Friday night and once i'd found and checked into my apartment i pretty much crashed and burned. On this leg of my mini tour i was staying at this gaff which was decent for just £120 total and Dale stayed up the road with another grinder Joel (Jcar) and his wife Emily. The next morning we all met up and me and Dale got used to our scootay's which Joel had sorted us out with for the whole week for just 50 odd bucks. We basically spent much of the first day finding our bearings and adjusting to our scootays and the dangerous traffic and roads. It took that donko Dale a while to feel comfortable on his and that fish almost crashed it on a couple of occasions in the first few days and he was using his feet as breaks for the whole trip (lol) but i think we were both fairly safe ish plus they were really good fun and a must need in Phuket.

After chilling by the pool at Joel's we all went out for an evening meal and ate like kings as we did pretty much every night. The food and just the general costs of living is sooo cheap in Phuket, its insane. Im srsly thinking about moving out there for a while and grinding/chilling/saving and living a toasty life. After the munch the other three went back to Joel's and Dale done his tits online but i decided to go out on my scooter and explore some of Chalong on my jack jones and it was here that i experienced my first glimpse of the whores in Thailand. There's not much to do in Chalong but i still managed to find my way to this seedy little street full of the skank bitches. All you ever hear down this road is the words massaaaage, you want massage? I give massage. This was pretty standard for the whole Thailand trip tbh. I just planted my buttocks at some bar between a couple of laday boys and watched the footy and they didn't really grief me up too much.

Day 2 Me and Dale went to Kata beach on our scootays which was beauitful. The Roxxu must have been the whitish fish to have ever stepped foot on that beach, also he is such a beach nooooob. White trainers, black socks and no towel or swimwear, WTF??? He cracked me up when he dipped his toes in before we were due to leave and then he starts getting distressed about the sand stuck to his feet and inbetween his toes, lol i was abs pmsl. He was like arrrgghh Amatay, what i am going do, i've got sand everywhere blah blah. Well to start with mate, get a fucking pair of flip flops and bring a towel next time! Such a beach nooooooooob! After that we cruised around Karon on our scootaymobiles took a few snaps etc at various viewpoints got some munch and then drove up a big fuck off hill to see the Big Budda!





This journey probs took us about 30 odd mins and on the way we stopped off at this place that was giving elephants rides. We were gonna have a go but it was pretty pricey for what is was plus its alittle abit cruel aswell imo so we fked it off and continued up the hill on some treacherous piece of winding road to see this Big Budda thing. Once we got to the summat we just pissed about and took a few snaps. In the evening i went out into Chlaong again to watch the hammers get done by Birmingham. FUCK OFF AND DIE YOU FUCKING BRUMMIE CUNTS! How have we not beaten them bastards everytime we have played them so far this season? urtfygkhjlkuikpo



Day 3 Today was my birthday and it was a goodun :) During the afternoon we found some stunning little beach in Nai Harn and chilled there for a few hrs, it was a beautiful spot and is up there with some of the beaches i've been to in Oz and the Carribean. In the evening myself, The Roxxu, Jcar and his mate and fellow grinder Nick ventured out into what is quite possibly the most depraved place i've ever been to in my life, its called Patong. The night started reasonably enough, we had a nice meal and a few cocktails and then we went to some pool bar to whack a few balls around, drink a load of beers and smoke some shisha. This was a pretty cool place tbh, as some Thai bloke working there set up each rack up for us, the beer was nice and cold and the shisha was really smooth, it was a good 'relaxed' start to the night. Dunno how long we were in there for but we were all abit mezzed up by the time we left and we headed off to a strip club called Suzi Wong's which was awesome lol. Been to plenty of strip clubs before but never have i been to one where you can do anything you want with the strippers, this gaff was pretty extreme. On the way into the club we all got kinda whipped/smacked by a few of the girls, there's a comedy vid of Roxxu getting destroyed on his blog.


Once we got inside we pretty much spent the night getting hammered on beers and shots playing credit card roulette for every round, smacking the girls and being smacked, staring at tits and fanny and having abit of a grope ourselves ;) I had one of the dirrrtay Thai's sitting on my lap and i was just playing with her pussy and her little Thai tits. I had a wee abit of stirrage but i was pretty fooked by then plus i don't really find Thai girls attractive. Gve me a white English bird with big boobs, a fat ass and a nice face any day of the week. I didnt bang her and i don't think i could rump any whore tbh, too nasty. I had to give her 200 Baht (£4) for the feel up and told her to do one. The Roxxu deffo doesn't share my beliefs thou as 5 minutes later he had vamooshed with some piece of filth who's prolly had at least a few thousand dicks thrown up her, nice! Haha, he don't give a shit thou so fairplay and he came back about an hr later with a monster grin on his face and an errrr interesting tale to tell. He bascially shipped some bitch 2600 Baht (40 odd nugs) and judging from his version of events pretty much destroyed all three holes. I was pissing myself laughing, he loves his whores the Roxxu, i don't think i've ever seen someone looking soooo pleased with themselves. Fuck knows what time we left but the four of us got a kebab and a cab home but not before Jcar got pickpocketed by two fkin ladyboys (read here), which obv sucked big time but the bitaches didn't get much. It was an epic night and one that will live long in the memory, good times :)

Day 4 Obv 'died' all day. I didn't/couldn't move from my pit. I spent much of the day looking like Sloth for the film the Goonies, proper fucked i was. Standard!

Day 5 Think i was about 80% recovered from the sickness of Patong and ended up back there on Day 5 lolz. Managed a nice long run to sweat alot of the shit out of my system then chilled at another wicked beach in Nai Harn. In the evening me and The Roxxu paid a visit to Bangla Stadium to watch some Thai Boxing in Patong. It was pretty decent and me and Roxx had a few fun bets on each fight for a few Baht. I lost the first three bets, sigh, won the next three, weee then we trebled the last bet and i obv lost, boooo.


After the boxing we shipped some munch and that dirtay Scotsman obv wanted to go searching for more whores having had a taste for it just 48 hrs earlier. We walked around Patong for a good half an hr from whore house to whore house with Dale always about 10 paces ahead of me. I felt like one of those kids that a mum takes shopping and 'drags' around the shops. The kid don't really wanna be there but his mum is on a mission to do the weekly shop, only roxxu wasn't shopping for food. Patong really is the sickess and most depraved place on the planet, words, pictures, video's just don't do it justice imo you have to experience it for yourself. You see sooo many 40-50+ yr old men with young Thai hookers. As you walk/stumble round the place its like a face palm every 2 minutes or so, an endless stream of dirty old bastard who are prolly balls deep in Thai hookers every night. I'll probably end up being one of those dirty old bastards, when i'm 40+ sighhh. Me and Dale were pissing ourselves at some of the things we saw. One bloke we came across with a Thai bird looked like Jimmy Saville, pretty sure the Thai girls fixed it for him every night in Patong. We also came across this other geezer we nicknamed bag of bones, you obv don't need a description, utter reeeediculation.

Anyways, enough about my ramblings on the debauchery of Patong back to Roxxu's whore search. After trawling through about 15 bars/clubs we finally sat in some place not do disimilar from Suzi Wong's on my b'day night out. Within about 0.0001 nano seconds two Thai whores get their claws into us. 'My' one had a pair of fooked up nashers and looked about 12 and seeing as i don't find 95% of Thai birds remotely atrractive anyways i obv told here to GTFO. Dale was happy with his whore thou (he's easily pleased) and it took him about 5 mins to flash the cash and GTFO with another whore for more rumpage leaving me there to wait on my jack jones whilst he exploited some random brass to fullfill his flithy sexual cravings.

This night we were both stone cold sober and whilst i was waiting for Roxx to bolt his load i got myself a beer and did contemplate getting a girl myself especially when a decent ish looking one gave a performance with red hot candle wax all over her naked body. I don't think i would have done it thou plus Dale returned earlier than expected, about 45 mins earlier actually (you get 1 hr with them), I was like wtf, that was fkin quick mate? Roxx didn't look so pleased with himself this time and we qucikly GTFO'd. The tale of his second Thai 'victim' wasn't that funny either, it was more like a horror story. In short he banged her on some scummy room with just a matress coz the rooms with sinks etc were full, she refused to give him head, Roxxu made her cry lol, plus she was a bit minging in the light with stretch marks etc. Also to make matter worse the jon jon split and dale pumped her bareback and shot his load up there, nightmares. It sounded as though this girl was quite new to the 'job' pretty gruesome stuff imo and i think Dale felt quite bad himself, bit of a disater :( Right enough of that stuff, onto another day...

Day 6 This was our last day in Phuket and we took a boat trip out to Coral Island to a lovely little spot called Banana Beach. As a kid i was never too fond of the beach but now i absolutely fooking love it, i can spend hrs frying on a sun lounger and then chilling in the sea. This was another beautiful place and i bascially spent a few more hrs bronzing up my moobs and swimming in the sea with the fishays. In the evening me Dale, Joel and Emily went for munch at some Mexican place. Joel and Emily were really nice people and looked after us quite abit in terms of booking me accom, sorting us out with scooters,

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